GETTING IT UP, GETTING
A BENT/Disgaytalk Forum
is the online discussion group associated with BENT, where cripgay
guys talk about the issues that matter to themfunny, serious
and everything in between.
time to time, with the cooperation of the participants, BENT presents
an edited version of an exchange we think will interest a wider
let us know what you think by writing to BENT
or by joining Disgaytalk.
our most basic needs and desires are the ones that just don't get
talked about when disability gets in the way. The Disgaytalk guys
prove once again that they're willing to tackle any subject with
candor, to the benefit of all. The following exchange got underway
when a recently injured man posted a question about erections.
BILL: Here is my experience
with inducing an erection. I am a T4 para, with no sensation from
just below the chest. I have used something called Caverject. It
comes in a box of six individually contained plastic containers
with a syringe filled with water, a small injection bottle with
a powder in it, and a couple of alcohol pads. You clean the top
of the small bottle with an alcohol pad and inject the water from
the syringe into the bottle. You shake it up a bit and then turn
it upside down and suck the fluid back into the syringe. Clean your
penis with the other alcohol pad and insert the needle at the appropriate
spot. Thankfully, I have no feeling there, so inserting the needle
is easy. Presto, give it about fifteen minutes and you'll have a
nice fat chubby that you can be proud of. The erection can last
up to an hour, but I've found that over time it starts to decrease.
many people the answer is as simple as the magic pill, Viagra. I've
tried it, but I prefer the injection. For me it works faster and
gives a more intense erection. Lastly, although I have no feeling
below the chest and I can't experience an orgasm when I stroke my
penis or it's being worked on by someone else, it still has a kind
of twitching potential. This works well because it gives my partner
the sense that he is doing something right, and I'm getting off
Any of you guys who might want to try this should have no fear about
approaching your doctor or urologist about it.
This discussion about what can be done to stimulate an erection
makes me want to say that an erection isn't always necessary to
enjoy a man's organ, let alone the entire man. When I meet up with
a guy who can't get an erection, part of the pleasure for me is
seeing the pleasure on his face when he realizes that it doesn't
have to be an issue. I'm a realist too, of course, and know just
how sensitive an issue the lack of an erection or ejaculation can
be. But I've met with too many men that apologize for what they
do or don't have. Often, they have so much else to offer, but they
can't seem to get past the one or two "limitations" that they've
know that I am not the norm when it comes to this. But I just wanted
to say that there are people out there who appreciate an organ for
what it is, even if it's perpetually soft. And who appreciate the
whole man, too.
Having read lots about body-image issues, I thought I would write
something from the able-bodied point of view. My boyfriend, sleeping
beside me as I type, was very concerned about telling me about his
incontinence problems before we began our now two-and-a-half year
relationship. It would be phony of me to say that I wasn't a bit
scared too. First contact with bags and piss is not easy for either
party, but after the initial panic I can say that this element of
his daily life seems as natural to me as making coffee in the morning.
Less easy for me to accept is the number of glasses he breaks in
the course of a month and my permanently bruised shins from his
think if you find someone attractive and sexy, then something like
incontinence isn't going to change that fact. It seems to me inconceivable
that a guy would chat you up and then turn chicken at the first
physical hurdle. In this context, I think that the hard prick issue
is a bit of a red herring (sorry for the odd metaphor). Sex is,
after all, about mutual pleasure. My boyfriend rarely gets a hardon,
which bothers him more than me, but we have great sex anyhow. I
talk to him a lot about this. He tried Viagra, but the presence
of a rock hard dick all night long made us both laugh.
am sure that he worries about erections more in terms of macho pride
than for the real pleasure it provides either of us. Of course,
when he does have an orgasm we are both happy. Sometimes these things
are more exciting when they only happen occasionally . . .
I've had a T12 spinal cord injury for eleven years. In my experience,
there seems to be a very wide range of penile function among paraplegics.
I am able to have a modest erection, ejaculate and feel (very) minor
orgasm, and I don't need to be erect to come. I am not able to feel
my penis at all; I am stimulated through other senses, especially
touch (contact with my partner) and visual stimulation. I tried
injections of papavarine (I think) and it caused a stronger erection
the first few times. About the third time I injected, I missed the
"sweet spot" and my penis swelled to proportions that completely
freaked me out; I thought it penis was going to explode! Because
I was recovering at my mom and dad's house, I asked them to take
me to the emergency room. It was 10 PM at night and they had no
idea I was even injecting; it was an awkward few moments! [grin]
the emergency room, nobody seemed to take it too seriously. After
thirty minutes of waiting to see someone who could tell me something,
I started shouting to see a doctor. A doctor came in, looked, said
It'll be alright, your penis is incredibly elastic (!), and gave
me ice to reduce the swelling. My urologist was quite supportive,
respectful and understanding throughout the process. He told me
that my experience was not uncommon and resulted entirely from my
hitting the wrong spot when I injected. He ended up moving his practice
out of state and I haven't found someone with whom I'm as comfortable
since. I guess that's proof of how important the right doctor is.
I am so glad this topic came up. Y'SEE, at age fifty-two and on
a number of medications, I can't count on an erection whenever I
want one. I've found that a vibrator, held against the right nerve-concentrated
areas produces intense pleasure and orgasms/ejaculations. My GEE!!-spot
is just under the glans. Where the base of the penis meets the scrotum,
the testicles, and underneath the scrotum are also great. But remember,
you can buy a vibrator on the web for several hundred dollars, or
you get one (or three, or......) at the Dollar Store, AA- batteries
included! The cheapest date and best sex, ever. I couldn't have
discussed this before I met you guys, so thanks, everybody.
STU: I've been a T12 para for
five years, with no sensation below the waist. I have tried various
things, but I've found the vacuum pump the best tool. Unlike other
methods, it involves no drugs or side effects, which with drugs
might vary from one individual to the next. The pump can be used
many times during the week to good effect.
finding Viagra a good alternative, too, although I've heard that
many SCI men have reported negative side effects. IMPORTANT:
Always seek expert advice.
Can somebody explain a little about spinal cord injuries? Blind
guys like me can be pretty ignorant about other disabilities, since
we can't see them and it's not always easy to read about stuff like
this in Braille.
Simple enough, Bob. The wires have been cut. While each spinal cord
Injury is different, everybody with an injured spinal cord is messed
up in a pretty profound way. If you think of the nerves in the spinal
cord as a big ol' wad of wires that branch out to the various organs
and limbs and stuff on the way down the back, then it is easier
to get a sense of. It is very hard to generalize about guys with
SCI, but it's pretty safe to say that with the exception of really
profound high quads, quadriplegics are less messed up over more
of their bodies, and paraplegics (like me) are more profoundly messed
up over less of their bodies, since the "bundle of wires", so to
speak, has gotten thinner the farther down the back it goes, and
is easier to cut all the way through.
have no control over bodily functions, and I can't feel my dick
at all, Nor does it work. At all. It's dead. Can't feel my balls,
either. I can feel the ligamenture they are hooked to, but it doesn't
feel good. Ditto for my ass. So . . . wires cut, can't jack off.
Unfortunately, the desire is still very much with me, and I remember
it well and fondly. Sadly, I don't dream much, and to my doctors'
dismay, don't have wet dreams. I don't know why that surprises them.
I would think that if I could DREAM an orgasm, then I ought to be
able to THINK one up. Gone with the wind, as it were.
I have one for you, Bob. When you
were a kid, living at home with your family, how did you know for
sure, when you were jackin' off, that nobody was watching you? [grin]
Don't everybody be too quick to write all of us paraplegics off
as not being able to perform or jerk off. Like I explained at the
beginning of this exchange, I'm a paraplegic with a completely severed
spinal cord at the T4 level. (The thoracic, middle part of the spinal
cord.) This level is just below the chest for me. I consider myself
very fortunate because I have full use of my upper body. I'm able
to transfer myself to and from my wheelchair, live mostly independently,
drive with hand controls.
like RC, don't have control of my bodily functions, but this is
a very manageable thing. Even though I can't feel
my dick or balls I still have hands and I feel my dick and balls
every chance I get! They feel just like they used to, too. [grin]
Granted, it's only a one-sided sensation, meaning I feel it in my
hand, but I don't feel my hand on my dick. But it can still slide
in and out of Rosy Palm just like it used to!
RC said, you still have the desire. And when you can't quench that
desire, it can drive you crazy! I can't say that my dick is dead.
In fact, it still has a mind of it's own. I'm not gonna get hard
anymore just by seeing something that turns me on, but if I'm in
the mood for a good jerkoff session, with a little coaxing and some
lubricant, I can get it up for a bit. And what's even better, there
are drugs for this. Viagra works wonders for me. But my preferred
method, which works quicker and has even better results is Caverject,
which I mentioned earlier. Granted, I can't have an orgasm, but
I've noticed that since I became disabled, my nipples are more sensitive,
and don't you dare try to kiss me behind the ears without warning.
Now I admit, it has been far too long since I've been sexually active
with anyone (three years) but I assure you that when the chance
arises I will be more than prepared to show them just how good "Egore"
can be. Not to mention my cock-sucking skills. Take care, everybody.
© 2001 BENT