The Taste of Power

T. J. Trainer

When I became a wheelchair user years ago, after a drinking and driving accident, I had no idea how drastically my life would change. I had once been a cutie, but now I was sitting in a chair. How could I still be attractive to other men?

While trying to figure out the answer to that question, I discovered that people can and do make me feel like a second-class citizen by the way they treat me, talk to me, stare at me. Because of my work I travel a lot and let me tell you, I am tired of flight attendants talking to me like I'm stupid. They see me using a wheelchair and automatically start speaking slowly and clearly. I'm a crip, not an idiot! If I live to be 100 years old it will never cease to amaze me how many stupid fuckin' people there are in this world.

I live an independent life. I work. I play. I clean my house. I shop for food. And I live alone. Despite all that, too many people see me as less-than-a-whole person—someone who will require nothing but caretaking. I try to dispel myths like that by example, by commanding respect wherever I go. As a sought-after speaker and public advocate, someone who's well-known in his profession, I work extra hard to maintain the respect of the people I deal with.

I'm a powerful man and I'm diligent about maintaining the power I get. But there's one time when I feel more powerful than others. Let me explain.

I'm very much into anonymous sex.
Sure, some people will criticize, but I don't give a shit. I'm a big boy and I do what I want.
I always play it safe so there's not much I need to worry about. My specialty is cocksucking. That's right. I'm an expert. There's nobody better and I have the letters of recommendation to prove it!

My friends call me 'whore,' 'slut,' and a bunch of other names, but I just write it off as jealousy, pure jealousy. Once there were Seven Wonders of the World. Now there are eight. T.J.'s Cocksucking is the latest and greatest. I do it better than anybody. My mouth is made for cock. While any size will do, the bigger the better. For me, there's no better feeling than having my mouth crammed with somebody's big dick.

I use my mouth unlike anyone else. When I apply a certain pressure, devote my attention to a certain spot, well, I can make a man blow his load in record time. My disability has prompted me to perfect my technique. In the past I could spend hours kneeling at a glory hole. Now I have to sit to give it all my attention and concentration. And when you suck cock you've got to concentrate if you want to be the best.

Now what's this power I speak of? Well, let me just tell you. Take a big, strapping guy—maybe 6' 2", 220 lbs. That's one big guy, a guy you wouldn't want to meet in the proverbial dark alley if he was intent on ripping you off. But put this same guy in a sex club or my house with his dick in my mouth and he becomes a babbling, moaning baby—defenseless and vulnerable, just the way I want him. I find it amazing that someone with such strength can become a "husk of his former self" just by inserting one particular body part (a BIG part, I hope) in my mouth. Who would have thought . . .

I've used my talents on men from one end of the country to the other. Whatever their size and demeanor, each one is a useless, drained mess when I'm done with him. They can barely move. It's really satisfying to see a big, beautiful man laid out in front of me, totally spent. It fills me with a sense of power and accomplishment.

Just last week I was minding my business here online when I got a private message from someone I didn't know. Turns out he was looking for a playmate in my neighborhood—"looking for trouble"—and wanted to know what I was into. I told him I was a cocksucker. He didn't like that. He said he never came when a guy sucked his cock. I told him he had never had me suck his cock before. Later that afternoon when I opened my door, there he was, one of the tastiest men I'd seen in a while: 6' tall, brown hair, hazel eyes. I could tell from the ringlets at his collar that he had a mat of fur on his chest—a real man! I could see the bulge in his pants, too.

Since we'd already got through the preliminaries online, I invited him to whip it out and let me get to work. Within seconds he was naked on my couch with his big fat cock lodged deep in my throat. I got comfortable and settled in for a long suck session. I took a deep breath and slid all the way down. Once impaled on his tool, I twisted and turned my head and let my throat muscles work their magic. He started moaning—louder than my neighbors appreciated, I'm sure.

He put a hand on the back of my head and started pumping my face (I love that!). After about eight minutes of my talented mouth he pulled his slick cock from deep in my throat and shot all over my face. All the while he was coming he was shouting "OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD!"

After a few minutes of silence, eyes glazed over, he turned to me and said "I just found heaven in your mouth. I'll never be the same." He pulled up his pants and I sent him on his way. He called several times, but I told him that once I had a guy I wasn't particularly interested in him again. I'm more interested in spreading my talents around so lots of men can find heaven.

On another occasion I was rolling through the men's department of a classy department store early one day, looking for some new suits. Fortunately they had a wheelchair-accessible dressing room. What a pisser when you want to buy clothes and there's no access. But I digress.

Anyway, I had this cute little boy waiting on me. I was cruising him all the time I was checking out the suits—and he knew it. I say "little boy" because I'm mid-thirties and he was no more than twenty-two, a hot-looking kid, with sexy eyes, perfect white teeth and a killer smile. I could easily make out slightly pumped pecs beneath his crisp white shirt and blue Hugo Boss jacket. I didn't see any bulge. But with suits, you can't always tell.

Since I was the only customer, he had plenty of time to be attentive. Rather than have me carry the suits I had chosen, he offered to take them for me. I followed him to the dressing room, which gave me a chance to admire his ass. I wondered if his dick was as nice as the rest of the package. I wondered if I'd get a chance to find out.

He hung the suits on a hook and there we were—just the two of us in the dressing room. He stood for a second longer than he should have, then flashed that killer smile and asked, "Is there anything else I can do for you, sir?' Since I was sitting there with my face practically in his crotch already (big wheelchair advantage!), I reached up and grabbed his basket. "You can unzip your pants and let me suck on your cock," I said.

Without hesitating he unzipped. In the blink of my eye, I was staring at another eye—the eye of his uncut, oozing monster. I inhaled deeply and the smell of sweet man meat permeated my entire being. I felt his prickly ball hairs battling with my goatee as I settled in for a hearty meal of cock. Good thing I wasn't very hungry—I didn't have the meal long. In about fifteen seconds (ah, youth!) he moaned that he was going to come. I pulled my mouth off the creature and a split second later he shot the biggest, whitest load I'd ever seen. The first shot hit one of the suits hanging behind me. His eyes were closed, he didn't see it hit. The rest of the pearly strands found a home on the carpeted floor.

He nearly lost his balance at the last drop. He kept saying "Wow. Wow. Wow. " I couldn't help wiping the corners of my mouth and grinning. "Wow," alright! He hauled in his most prized possession, zipped up his pants, shot me a half smile, turned on his heel and was gone. I moved the come-stained suit to the back and tried on the others.

About ten minutes later I left the dressing room and found my sweet prince standing at the counter with an older guy I figured was his manager. I returned the suits I didn't want and paid for the ones I did. As I was leaving I turned and looked at them both and said, "that black suit, by the way—it's got a nasty stain on it," and winked. The youngster actually blushed. My talents at work again. What power!

So now you see how it works. When society makes me feel weak and powerless, I suck dick! There's no better way to boost my self-esteem. Give it a try sometime! You're sure to make yourself happy while making someone else happy, too. It's all about giving.

©2001 T.J.Trainer


T.J. Trainer is a personal growth and empowerment speaker who travels around the country speaking about independent living, equal rights and other social issues. He lives in West Hollywood, CA with his family of dustbunnies Sissy, Cletus, and Wynona. You can find him at


BENT: A Journal of CripGay Voices/March 2001