 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
ALMOST LIKE PARADISE
By Tod Steward
EDITOR'S NOTE: At the author's request, this story has been edited since it originally appeared in BENT.
Those were just some of the questions that came to mind before I visited Asia for the first time. I'm physically disabled. I can walk, but my balance is uncertain, so stairs, among other things, are a particular challenge for me. I want to tell you about one special place I've visited many times. When I tell you that it is not disability-friendly in ordinary terms you might question my enthusiasm, but the people you'll find there more than make up for its physical drawbacks. The place is Phuket, Thailand, halfway around the world from where I live here in Seattle. It's a place I want to encourage you to consider visiting, even if you plan to travel solo. Getting to Phuket is a big commitment in itself. From Seattle, it's about eighteen hours flight time. By the way, I've learned to make sure my airline knows that I'm disabled. Don't be shy or embarrassed about this, the benefits are well worth the "visibility." You will not have to wait in long lines to go through security or immigration, transport within large concourses is available so you won't exhaust yourself or miss a connection, and, in general, you'll be treated more like a first class passenger. I usually travel business class, using mileage credits for a free upgrade. Since I need to be able to stretch out my legs, flying coach would be too taxing on my knees. Phuket lies in the group of islands situated off the west side of Thailand's southern peninsula in the Andaman Sea, part of the Indian Ocean. About the size of Singapore, it is home to 200,000 people, with exotic charms that have made it a favorite among filmmakers (Leonardo DiCaprio's "The Beach" and several James Bond movies were shot there). Year after year its beaches are voted the world's most beautiful. I vote to add Phuket's men to that category!
I told you the beaches are beautiful.
If you use a wheelchair or simply have a hard time moving about on your own, you can still enjoy this beautiful island. Many hotels offer accessible rooms, just make sure to ask. Getting in and out of places or traveling around the island you will always find someone happy to help you. This aspect of Phuket is hard for me to explain. Wherever I went, whether I needed help climbing stairs or simply having a bottled water opened, someone was right there for me. Sometimes I asked. Most of the time I didn't have too. Never was the help grudging or condescending. It was always offered with a smile. Whatever you decide to do—going to the beaches, taking excursions through caves or to other, smaller islands, visiting chimpanzees in their natural habitat—you will never need to worry about getting around. Thais will ensure that you are comfortable and enjoy your outing. On one of my first vacations in Phuket I learned that Thais believe in the benefits of a daily massage, and wouldn't you know, I became convinced they were right, especially since a one-hour massage costs about $3. After a few successive daily massages my body had never felt better. You can even get a massage on the beach, where I would often sit sipping a drink and enjoying the scenery.
Scenery like this is commonplace.
I took many excursions with the driver of a tuk tuk (Thai for taxi) that I befriended, who made sure to take me places where I wouldn't have to climb too many stairs. If we did encounter some stairs, or uneven ground he would help me get where I needed to go. (An English-speaking guide like my taxi driver friend is invaluable. If you are planning to go to Phuket e-mail me and I'll tell you how to contact him.) He took me to one of the highest points of the island, overlooking three major beaches. Standing there looking at the view is an experience I can't describe in words. Later, we headed to a snake farm for a show with deadly King Cobras, then off to see chimps shoot hoops and ride bicycles; one gave me a big hug after playing cards with me. Afterwards I was able to feed two tiger cubs with bottled milk, and throw a ball for them to chase. Tiger Mom was right there watching, just to make sure her cubs were safe. There I was, playing with tigers instead of ending up as their dinner. Awesome! By American standards, everything in Phuket is wonderfully affordable. The food is spectacular, with seafood caught in the morning in the Andaman Sea and brought to waterfront restaurants within an hour or two. When I was there, I enjoyed lunch with the works for about $2, while a four-course dinner might cost about $5. You can splurge on much more expensive meals, of course, but I found that it was hard to spend more than $30. After spending nearly three weeks on the island I didn't want to leave. It is a magical place for me because there I am not reminded of my disability. A birth defect called arthrogroposis left me with smaller than normal hands and feet and a limp. At home in Seattle many people, when meeting me for the first time, won't shake my hand; some will hesitate and give me just a quick touch. In my eight visits to Phuket not once has a Thai shown reluctance to touch me. In fact, people grab my hand and hold onto it, greeting me with sincerity. As I stroll down the road, no one stares like they do at home. Instead they smile and say, Swandadee Kah, or hello. Of the many Thais I've gotten to know, not one questioned me about my condition. I asked my good Thai friend the reason. He explained that because of tradition and religion most Thai's learn to treat everyone equally, believing that the heart of the person is far more important than the body. No other place in the world makes me feel as if I am just like everyone else. No amount of money can buy that kind of acceptance. Being treated this way reminded me of how different things are back in the United States, where so many non-disabled men miss out on meaningful relationships because they cannot see past the body and into the heart of other men. Thai gay men are just the opposite. They seem to love all types of men, especially older men, since they are brought up to treat their elders with respect. Another result of this attitude is that Thai's do not institutionalize their elders in the American fashion, but care for them at home instead. With no effort on your part you'll be picked up by a Thai person outside the same bar. Thai's find foreigners attractive and treat them very well. Disability is not an issue. Be aware of cultural differences, however, as well as a legal structure that might seem at odds with behavior that can strike you as free. If you are convicted of having sex with a minor (fifteen is the age of consent) you face immediate arrest and penalties that can include life imprisonment, whereas sex with a prostitute under the age of eighteen will make you subject to arrest, fine and imprisonment. If you doubt someone's age, or if anything else about him seems questionable, ask for his ID card. Age restrictions pertain to nightclubs, too: no one under eighteen gets in. Recreational drugs are illegal and surprise drug testing may take place at popular nightspots (though tourists are rarely questioned). Nudity, at beaches or in saunas, is against Thai custom. The King of Thailand is revered, by the way, and you are well advised to show him respect. This pertains even to his image on paper money; never desecrate or rip up bhat. On the surface, gay behavior appears to be commonplace. If I were to hold hands with another Thai man anywhere in the country, nobody would stare or make me feel uncomfortable. Be careful of your assumptions however. What we think of as "gay culture" is largely something that developed under the influence of Western tourism. Because Buddhism does not inflict the same kind of sex guilt that Judeo-Christian culture does, Thais are often what we would call bisexual. To complicate matters further, two men holding hands may be no more than friends. After dark I spent most of my time in an enclave called Paradise, where you'll find about thirty bars clustered together, a concentration that makes it convenient for disabled visitors. Most of these places (many are open-air) do have a step or two at the entrance, but I always found someone ready to help me in. There's no need to worry about getting mistreated or robbed. The bar managers keep close tabs on everyone, who know that misbehavior means getting kicked out or arrested. I never heard of any trouble of any kind.
A nightclub where all the beautiful girls are beautiful boys.
HIV infection is on the rise among heterosexuals in Phuket, but it's declining among gays because of intensive government advertising campaigns during the last few years. Sex workers are required to be tested every six months. Needless to say, these measures are far from a solution, so don't let the easygoing atmosphere blind you to the risks. Take the same precautions you would anywhere else. As I mentioned earlier, it is easy to meet men or women at bars or elsewhere, eager for conversation, friendship, or more. In my experience, Americans are admired and looked upon as desirable, and disability seems to be one big non-issue. I believe that Buddhism really does have a lot to do with this, as well as the local attitude toward age. It often seemed to me that Thais almost revere older people. A lot of younger Thai men don't like hanging around their peers because they are not "wise," but prefer older men for their knowledge. So if you are from the United States, a little bit older and disabled, you will fit right in. Even if I've failed to convince you of the lure of Phuket, I hope you will venture out beyond your usual comfort zone and share your experiences with all of us. Write to BENT and tell us about your Paradise. © 2006 Tod Steward
|
|
|
BENT: A Journal of CripGay Voices/May 2006 |
